Monday, July 12, 2010

My First Sex Toy

I walked into the sex toy world blindly. I knew absolutely nothing! When I first walked through them doors of that porn shop, I really wish I had known then what I know now. For example, Bigger is definitely NOT better! More so, I wish I had asked questions and I probably would have found out what exactly it was I was looking for. I honestly had no idea! More than likely I probably wouldn't have chosen that 9-inch long, HOLYFUCKINGHUGE girthed big blue thing you call a vibrator. That thing was a MONSTER! When I got home and I took the blue monster home and out of his package, I just held it in my hands staring at it. I was frightened. I seriously didn't know what to think!

You want me to put that in my whaaaa?

Needless to say, it was not at all pleasurable. At all. It was way too large for my 110lb self, I couldn't take it all and most times it ended in nothing but a painful experience, considering all of my many, many attempts were all unlubed. Lube? - what the hell is lube? That's right! At that time I had not the slightest clue about the greatness lube.

Worst of all, from what I recall, it was a JELLY vibrator. Things happen for a reason, and perhaps the reason for me not being to take the blue monster was a way of stopping me from pumping my pussy full of phthalates. I no longer consider this a 'bad experience' but a greatful one.

Thank blue monster, I owe you one!

PS. You made a great chew toy after playing fetch with the dogs ^_^

Don't forget to leave a comment and tell me about your first sex toy experience!


  1. you make me laugh girl - I was exactly the same when it came to lube. I was 30 before I ever bought lube! no wonder so many of my sexual adventures were disasters

  2. I too had a rough 1st time. My then boyfriend brought me and picked out this plastic, real looking, monster for me. It. Fucking. Hurt. I swear I didn't even want the real thing after that! Now, though, I know what I'm looking for and I know what I like! Sex toys are AWESOME now!!